Your First Mammogram
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,
but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes
each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the
following practice exercises, you will be totally
prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do
these simple practice exercises right in your home.
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast
between the door and the main box. Have one of your
strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible
and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position
for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time
wasn't effective enough.
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the
cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes
and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged
under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly
back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.
Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against
one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as
you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next
year and do it again. You are now properly prepared.
Now, don't you feel better about your upcoming mammogram?