Greeting Cards I'd Like to See

* I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. 

* I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell 'till I met you. 

* Looking back over our years together, I can't help but wonder: what the f#@k was I thinking? 

* As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. 

* If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. 

* Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. 

* I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly. 

* Sex with you is like using drugs: lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it. 

* They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass. 

* You always said you'd die for me. Now that we've been married a few years, I think it's time you kept your promise. 

* The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating @$$hole. 

* We've been friends for a very long time, let's say we call it quits.